What happens when we put the cast of Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon and Fushigi Yuugi into the story of Alice in Wonderland..? A lot of twisted characters, that's what. This is going to be split into parts because of the alarming amount of characters to convert and fit into the story. For those of you who actually read this, be kind if you take it upon yourself to review. ;)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. They were created by Lewis Carroll, Takeuchi Naoko and Watase Yuu, respectively.

A last note: This was written exclusively by me! HolyUp Chacha. Any critique is welcome.

And now... On to the story.

Hongo Yui looked up from her text book and shook her head. Her short blond locks ruffled lightly with a breeze that took petals from the cherry blossoms belonging to the tall tree both young women sat beneath. "If you would pay attention to your studies, you wouldn't be, Aino-san," came the calm reply while her hands smoothed a page for turning.

Minako's eyes opened and she frowned as she sat up again. The open text book sitting beside her under the shade seemed to mock her with it's cherry red cover and boldly written title. Her nose wrinkled. Yuck. Math. "I'm taking a break," she announced. Then the young teen bounced to her feet and smoothed out her pretty, new blue dress.

Yui sighed softly and nodded. "Of course, Aino-san. Don't be too long, though. We promised your mother that this little outing would help you concentrate on your studies." Her attention then drifted back to her book and soon her nose was buried inside as she soaked up all that knowledge.

The longer haired blond simply stuck out her tongue at her assigned tutor in a childish display. "Yea, yea. I know," she muttered before heading out into the field beyond the shade of the tree.

And so off Minako bounced into the emerald green field with the tall grasses that tickled her knees beneath her goofy blue skirt. Giggling, she ran along, enjoying the tickling grasses and warm sun. Enjoying them, that is, until a frantically pitched voice floated to her on the summer breeze.

"I'm late! I'm late! Oh my, I'm so very LATE!"

With several blinks of confusion, Minako found herself turning towards the voice. Her belated reaction very nearly resulted in her being run over by the strangest little person. With a cry of dismay, she fell back to land upon her rump in a most undignified manner. She grimaced and held a hand to the small of her back in place of her pert posterior. "That hurt," she began to yell as her eyes lifted to that strange person.

And what a strange person it was. She could have been a rabbit with the way she was weaving and bounding through the tall grass. Of course, that was disallowing for the strange bun-and- pigtail styled hair the person was wearing. My, Minako thought with surprise. She looks just like a rabbit! And with a cry of, "Wait!" she was up and chasing after the rabbit-girl.

"No time. No time!" shouted the bunny girl in return as she bounded through the grass. Her final cries where then followed by a screech of surprise. She had dropped out of sight. That's right! It looked to Minako like the bunny girl had simply fallen down. How wrong she was!

Minako hurried after the bunny girl, calling, "Bunny-san? Bunny-san, did you fall down? Bunny-saaaaaa-augh!" Minako had quickly found what had happened to Bunny-san after all. The red ribboned blond flailed as she fell. Her foot, along with the rest of her body, had gotten caught in a rather large, suddenly appearing hole. How curious to place a hole in that spot where two young ladies would be running. And how dangerous, too.

And so the young girl fell, a scream pealing past luscious lips parted in terror. Her skirt lifted up to become entangled around her flailing arms with the rush of air whooshing upwards as she speedily fell downwards. As she fell - and fell, and fell, and fell - Minako's screams began to lessen. Soon enough, she had reduced her terror to a series of frightened hiccups. Then... nothing. She was still falling, and she had managed to get her skirt down to an acceptable level, but rather that stay frightened, Minako was growing bored.

"Will I ever reach the bottom? If I have to die by falling into a bottomless hole, I should that they'd at least be courteous enough to make it quick." She folded her arms across her chest and frowned at the walls around her as she fell. Reasoning aloud, she continued with her annoyed thoughts. "If I don't reach the bottom soon, I shall have to complain. Or perhaps I'll flip myself upside down and just fall back the way I came. Really, this is becoming ridiculous-- Oh!"

Minako let out an exclamation of surprise as her feet gently touched to the ground. "Well," she huffed, looking down to the checkered floor beneath her black slippered feet. "This is more like it. But I'm still going to complain." Smoothing the imagined wrinkled from her pretty blue dress, Minako looked about her, allowing herself to become familiar with her new surroundings.

The room she found herself in was a vast improvement over the bottomless hole that had bored her so. It was also infinitely more interesting for there were many doors, both large and small. Her curiosity piqued, Minako walked to the first door and tried the handle. The heavy oak door groaned and creaked, but refused to open. Shrugging, she went to the next door and then the next. Neither of those opened, either. Both creaked and groaned but remained firmly closed to her.

Growing irritated, the blonde tried a final door. She studied it carefully, noting that it had a different kind of doorknob that the others. It was shaped like the face of a handsome young man. Intrigued, Minako reached out, grabbed the knob and turned.

"Leggo of my face!" A male voice suddenly came out of nowhere. The blonde jumped back in surprise, her hand releasing the doorknob. Said doorknob's face began to take on the aspects of a rather pissed looking young man. "About damn time! What were you tryin' to do? Tear my head off? Che, stupid girl."

Minako's eyes grew huge and she inched closer to the handsome knob. "Eh? It talked? Curiouser and curiouser. This place is definitely strange."

"Talking to yourself when in the company of others is rude, girl," the knob stated.

"And rude. This place is strange and rude."

"Who're you calling rude? You're the one who molested my face, pervert."

"Pervert?" Minako stood up, anger forming storm clouds above her head. Lightening crackled and struck the floor behind her as she loomed over the door.

"Yea, pervert."

Minako stomped her foot, another crackle of lightening crashing down behind her. An acrid smell of burned magnesium began to fill the air. This was a strange and amusing place! Even her anger was coming alive. "I am not a pervert!"

"Hey, pervert, I can see up your skirt. Oooh. The pervert's wearing lace panties. Kinky!" The doorknob was obviously amusing itself by angering the girl, but Minako was growing weary of its insults. Stifling the urge to kick the door with all her girlish strength and risk showing her panties again, she took a step back, clasped her hands together and began to speak in a sweet voice.

"Mister Doorknob, I am extremely sorry that I hurt your darling face. Please accept my apologies."

The doorknob eyed the girl and appeared to shrug, though that would be quite impossible with the lack of shoulders. "Whatever, pervert."

Controlling the rapid twitching that here eyebrow was now engaged in, Minako smiled, her teeth clenching tightly for a few moments. Briefly counting to ten, she continued on with that sweet voice.

"Thank you, Mister Doorknob. Do you have a name, Mister Doorknob? I am called Minako."

"Sure, pervert. You can call me Tamahome."

Twitch.

"It's nice to meet you, Tamahome. Now that we are introduced, would you let me pass?"

"No."

Minako sighed. The doorknob bishounen was being an incredible pain in the rump and she was certainly getting nowhere. Literally. In fact, she would be going nowhere if she couldn't get through this door. As she turned around to ponder and examine the room again for a door she may have missed, she realized that all the other doors had vanished. The walls were whole again, and looking quite solid.

However, something new had appeared. A table had been placed in the center of the room. Atop the table was a small pouch and a small bottle. Leaving the door for a moment, she went to the table to examine the objects there. Upon the bottle was a tag that simply read: Drink Me. Likewise, the pouch had a tag attached to its drawstrings. It read: Use Me.

"Curiouser and Curiouser," Minako mumbled. The bottle was taken and placed into a convenient pocket on her skirt. After all, she wasn't thirsty, so why waste it? The pouch, however, she opened up to see what was inside. It gave a jingle as she adjusted the strings to peek inside. "What's this? Coins?"

"What?!" called the doorknob, Tamahome. "Coins? As in... Money?" His voice raised an octave and it seemed to Minako that he sounded hopeful. She turned around and, taking the pouch of coins with her, returned to the door.

"Yes, coins. A whole sack full," the blonde replied innocently. She jingled the pouch before Tamahome, her eyebrow lifting. "Do you know how they got here? Perhaps the person who stole all the doors left it behind. Their pay, perhaps?"

Tamahome's eyes were riveted to the pouch as Minako waved it around her as she spoke. He was practically drooling, although that would be quite impossible since doorknobs are supposed to be inanimate and they certainly don't have saliva inside them. "I don't care how they got there. Give them to me!"

Now, Minako wasn't a stupid girl. Ditzy, perhaps, and impatient, but not dumb-as-a-sack of-moldy-cheese stupid. The cogs within her mind began to work. She wanted through that door and Tamahome-knob wanted the coins. A light bulb lit up above her head as the idea struck her. She reached up and turned it off, then waggled the coins in front of Tamahome's face again. "Let me through the door and you can have this entire sack of money." The girl grinned, proud of her exchange prowess.

"Anything! Just give me the coins." There was a click, like the sound of a lock being turned, and the door swung open. "Now, give me the pouch!"

Still grinning, Minako nodded and reached over to place the drawstrings of the money pouch into Tamahome-knob's mouth. "There you are. A deal is a deal." She raised two fingers to her temple and gave her trademark victory v sign. Then she proceeded to walk through the door, leaving Tamahome-knob to drool all over his pouch of money.